And it came to pass that I, though white and delightsome, was in the company of the Chinee.
And behold, the Chinee spake, saying unto me ‘Wong-fong ah-chong, ah so.’
And it came to pass the LORD did translate the tongue of the yellow dog for mine ears; he had sayeth ‘Lo, ye be Jeepies. Hong-chong, I Chinese, ah-so.’
And it came to pass that I did destroy him with my cimiter of fine steel.
And the land was saved from the hateful priestcraft of the Antichrist once more.
The Book of Mormon, Raymond 1

Staff

Alec

Alexander ‘Superfly’ Kyras (1984-) is a prominent local film critic and amateur wrestler. He is a registered member of the Libertarian Party; his primary objective in politics is returning America to its Christian roots and punishing the sinful behavior that endangers God’s protection and blessing. His passionate belief in the inevitability of the Rapture in his own lifetime leads him to staunch advocacy for Israel in spite of his personal discomfort with Jewry.

On the other hand, he takes a more nuanced view of the economy, recognizing that the Sermon on the Mount is unique in being either inaccurate or a metaphor, and that the Parable of the Talents provides a more accurate view of Christian economic values. He is a FairTax proponent and activist. His interests include Wikipedia, transhumanism, South Park, and the Crusades; his heroes include Winston Churchill, Jesus, Ayn Rand, Ludwig von Mises, and Ronald Reagan.

‘Wait ’til you see my dick;
Hey bitch - wait ’til you see my dick.’

—Winston Churchill

Djur

Listed in the 2007 “Who’s Who In Sodomy” as a despicable reprobate and hated Mick, Djur labors tirelessly to bring America under the joint rule of perfidious homosexual Jews and effeminate Stalinist Islamo-fascists. His ignorance of the word of our Lord Jesus Christ may yet save him from the most exquisite torments of Hell, a detestable outcome which could readily be prevented with cunning deployment of Chick tracts. He employs the most barbarous and awkward literary excrescences imaginable, such as the one you have just read.

Among his heroes are Eugene Debs, Oscar Wilde, Emma Goldman, and Stephen Jay Gould — that is, communists, homosexuals, women, and Jews. This despicable man must be stopped at all costs, even if it requires the sacrifice of one or even two Big Mac Attacks. There remains only one option: someone must call the Gathering of Eagles.

(Note: previous claims in this space that Djur is in fact the impostor Mahomet, author of the Alcoran and inciter of the Musselman heresy, appear to not be based in fact. We apologize for the error.)